When did you last step back and take a look at your life?
Do you sometimes feel like you are on auto-pilot and sub consciously perform the same routines and activities; feel the need to please others before yourself and rarely stop to ask, “What is all this about?”
I have just had one of those moments, but, as with this one, these moments are usually brought on by experiencing a major life event.
For me, it is the recent death of my dad, Allan.
Twenty months ago, after the death of my mother, Margaret, I thought I had taken stock of where I was going, what I was doing.
But nothing changed. The auto-pilot was still on, whilst going hell-for-leather trying to please everyone.
Laying dad to rest just a week or so ago has stopped me in my tracks. Made me think.
My deepest inner voice is telling me to take stock, re-evaluate, work out what my purpose really is.
Looking at my dad, just minutes after he taken his last breath in his hospital bed, one thought hit me like a tonne of bricks:
We all come into this world with nothing and go out the same way.
What happens in between is important. We all want to lead the best lives we can but how many of us find our true purpose?
Many of us tend to sacrifice our own time and dreams to help fulfil the lives of others. That is noble and caring, but what about ourselves?
I have a philosophy that unless you look after yourself, you cannot not give your best to others.
This is not a selfish notion. Selflessness is an admirable trait. Yet to continually push yourself to please others or pursue a career, wealth, fame or notoriety without first being good to yourself is a path to pain and even self-destruction.
Now before you think this is a pre-cursor to me saying, “Sayonara”, and heading off into the sunset, I might disappoint some of you – it isn’t.
However, what will change for me is:
- Immediate rejection of time thieves;
- Working smarter not harder;
- An immediate stop to giving out free advice – allowing people to learn from their own mistakes;
- Be more self-aware and don’t let head and heart over-rule gut.
- Ramping up my passion for learning, reading and writing; and…
- Spending more time with people who want to spend time with me.
- My love for helping others to sell their own home hasn’t and won’t wane.
It’s now in my blood and will always get my heart pumping.
I have found inspiration in my dad’s passing to be the best I can be – now more than ever on my terms.
The pursuit of pleasing everyone is a dead-end game.
Helping those who genuinely want my help is my focus from here on in. This is a big part of my re-aligned purpose.
Even though dad crammed a lot into his 95 years, we can’t get past the fact that life is short and should not be wasted on people, pursuits or activities that don’t nourish you and give you joy.
My true purpose is becoming very clear, and those who want to benefit from it are most welcome share my time and expertise.
Also, my family will benefit even more as I clear the decks and give them the time and guidance they deserve from me.
I hope that dad’s strength of character, integrity, stoicism and good humour live on in me, and my sons, and drive us to lead purposeful and meaningful lives.
I already miss him, but he would have wanted me to press on; and that is what I am doing – albeit with a few ‘wake up and smell the roses’ changes along the way.
See you dad – you were one of a kind and kind to one and all.
Allan Heppell: 30/6/22 – 29/11/17
